SCARED BY MY DENOMINATION AND MY MARITAL FUTURE

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Thanks to let’s talk it team for this great opportunity given me.

I want to share my burden with you people.

Firstly Can denomination actually be a barrier to someone ‘s marriage?

Secondly I had a suitor around September last year, he was introduced to me by someone, initially I didn’t like him, but the person that introduced him to me told me not to conclude yet that I should study the guy first and know his character, so I started forcing myself to love him of which along the line I fell in love with him, though I don’t know maybe is because of the influence of the person that introduced him to me, so around November I started to dislike him but I didn’t know how to tell him that the the feelings I had for him is no longer strong anymore, so around December he decided to see my parents just to know them because within him he thought that am his wife, I still don’t know how to tell him my mind, so along the line I met another guy around first week of December and I fell in love with him immediately and that love is still there up till now, so I now realize that he is An Anglican and not a Catholic, I have discussed with him severally for him to change to catholic but he said no, that is a man that will take his wife to his church, so I don’t know wat else to do and the other first guy is there too and I still don’t know how to let him go So please I need you people to advice me on what to do.

Thanks and God bless as I prayerfully anticipate your maximum cooperation.

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9 thoughts on “SCARED BY MY DENOMINATION AND MY MARITAL FUTURE

  1. I don’t know what you call love but I do know that whatever it is , is not what will lead you through your marriage.

    The fact that you fell in and out of love with the first person proves my point.

    Marriage is not just about loving someone, it’s about understanding each other, being able to compromise to meet your happiness.

    So, I’ll advise that you define what you want from your husband. The kind of personality that will suit your person, then look out for those things in your men.

    Then most importantly, consult God, he knows all we are and need.
    He should always be your first port of call. He knows best, so ask him to choose for you.

    I wish you happiness

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  2. You should give the first Man a second chance. Maybe God wants him for you which made the second Man not to change his church/way of worship, maybe the first person is the right guy. don’t make mistake

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  3. Thank you for anonymously making your problem known to the public, not just for you to get a solution but for others — who might be in your shoes — to learn as well.

    *1) for your first question which asked whether denomination can be a barrier to marriage —

    To cut the long story short, religion may not be a barrier to marriage — even the Catholic Church permits marrying from another denomination/faith, with certain conditions — but religious differences can become a source of discord, tension, and disunity within a relationship or in a family.
    That’s why it is advisable to marry from the same faith.

    *2) for your second question —

    First of all, you have to understand that marriage and friendship are not two sides of one coin, rather, they are two different coins — and so, should be treated differently.

    I guess you are out for a serious business — marriage and not mere friendship.

    * I’m glad —from your narration — that you have discovered that feelings of attraction can be developed with time and can also fade away with time.
    That is exactly the experience you had with your first suitor, it is normal.

    * Not denying the fact that it is good to “fall in love” before marriage, we are to be careful not to assume infatuation to be love.

    * Before going into marriage, you should place virtue above feelings.
    Virtues or Characters your partner has that can sustain your marriage should be considered first before the feelings you have for him or her.
    It is easier to develop feelings than to form virtue/character.

    2i). You never loved your first suitor at the onset, but as you observed his character/virtue you began to love him — you consciously developed feelings for him. At a point, you became too familiar with him and it appears as if the feelings you had for him are no longer strong.
    You shouldn’t be surprised because that is exactly how human chemistry (law of attraction/affection) works, it alternates between high and low, but that is not enough reason to break up with him.

    Taking a step to know your parents shows how serious he is, he’s out for marriage and not just for friendship.

    Don’t lose him, he might make a good husband and you can still love him if you wish to.
    If you have no problem with his character, then hold him tight.

    *Not knowing or having the courage to tell him that you no longer have strong feelings for him shows that you still love him but your eyes have been cleared from infatuation.

    *2ii) Now to the second guy —you just met—

    And You “fell in love with him immediately…”

    That’s actually, the manifestation of infatuation— you became so much emotionally attached to him “immediately.”

    Under such a condition, you will definitely lack the right judgment and not be able to observe his character. You will always see him as Mr. Perfect and the best man for you, even when he has Countless character flaws.

    Love can be developed from infatuation, but marriage should not be built on infatuation.
    What is left when those feelings are gone determines how successful the marriage would be.

    *2iii) On whether the man or the woman should change church—

    The problem is not even about who leaves his/her church for the other, but the compatibility of the two different perspectives in matters of faith.

    And if we are to take the Bible in a layman sense, Gen 2:24 says “That is why a MAN LEAVES his father and mother and is UNITED with his WIFE, and they become ONE.
    If I may ask, who actually leaves to unite with the other?
    😂😂 Lol.

    The Catholic church permits but don’t encourage marrying outside the Catholic faith — not to discriminate but for the good and sustainability of marital union.

    To others, faith or Church might be seen as clothing which you can change from one to another. But to Catholics, it is more mystical than physical and shouldn’t be traded for anything.

    In conclusion,
    I may not tell you to marry the first guy, but I will advise you to give him a chance (consider him).
    I may not also compel you to leave the second guy, but I will advise you to give It (your feelings for him) time.

    When you are out of that ephemeral euphoric-state, you will have your head — and not just your heart — to reason with. Only then can you make the right decision.

    Infatuation is a reflex action, which automatically responds to the stimulus of physical attraction,
    But love is a voluntary action, and what sustains a family is the decision to love.

    Don’t forget to put God —through prayer— before, during, and after your decision-making.

    Thank you, once more, for contacting Tt-media @Let’s Talk it.

    Good luck with your decision-making.

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  4. In conclusion,
    I may not tell you to marry the first guy, but I will advise you to give him a chance (consider him).
    I may not also compel you to leave the second guy, but I will advise you to give It (your feelings for him) time.

    When you are out of that ephemeral euphoric-state, you will have your head — and not just your heart — to reason with. Only then can you make the right decision.

    Infatuation is a reflex action, which automatically responds to the stimulus of physical attraction,
    But love is a voluntary action, and what sustains a family is the decision to love.

    Don’t forget to put God —through prayer— before, during, and after your decision-making.

    Thank you, once more, for contacting Tt-media @Let’s Talk it.

    Good luck with your decision-making.

    0
  5. Cntd.
    *2iii) On whether the man or the woman should change church—

    The problem is not even about who leaves his/her church for the other, but the compatibility of the two different perspectives in matters of faith.

    And if we are to take the Bible in a layman sense, Gen 2:24 says “That is why a MAN LEAVES his father and mother and is UNITED with his WIFE, and they become ONE.
    If I may ask, who actually leaves to unite with the other?
    😂😂 Lol.

    The Catholic church permits but don’t encourage marrying outside the Catholic faith — not to discriminate but for the good and sustainability of marital union.

    To others, faith or Church might be seen as clothing which you can change from one to another. But to Catholics, it is more mystical than physical and shouldn’t be traded for anything.

    0
  6. Cntd.
    *2ii) Now to the second guy —you just met—

    And You “fell in love with him immediately…”

    That’s actually, the manifestation of infatuation— you became so much emotionally attached to him “immediately.”

    Under such a condition, you will definitely lack the right judgment and not be able to observe his character. You will always see him as Mr. Perfect and the best man for you, even when he has Countless character flaws.

    Love can be developed from infatuation, but marriage should not be built on infatuation.
    What is left when those feelings are gone determines how successful the marriage would be.

    0
  7. Ctnd.
    2i). You never loved your first suitor at the onset, but as you observed his character/virtue you began to love him — you consciously developed feelings for him. At a point, you became too familiar with him and it appears as if the feelings you had for him are no longer strong.
    You shouldn’t be surprised because that is exactly how human chemistry (law of attraction/affection) works, it alternates between high and low, but that is not enough reason to break up with him.

    Taking a step to know your parents shows how serious he is, he’s out for marriage and not just for friendship.

    Don’t lose him, he might make a good husband and you can still love him if you wish to.
    If you have no problem with his character, then hold him tight.

    *Not knowing or having the courage to tell him that you no longer have strong feelings for him shows that you still love him but your eyes have been cleared from infatuation.

    0
  8. Thank you for anonymously making your problem known to the public, not just for you to get a solution but for others — who might be in your shoes — to learn as well.

    *1) for your first question which asked whether denomination can be a barrier to marriage —

    To cut the long story short, religion may not be a barrier to marriage — even the Catholic Church permits marrying from another denomination/faith, with certain conditions — but religious differences can become a source of discord, tension, and disunity within a relationship or in a family.
    That’s why it is advisable to marry from the same faith.

    *2) for your second question —

    First of all, you have to understand that marriage and friendship are not two sides of one coin, rather, they are two different coins — and so, should be treated differently.

    I guess you are out for a serious business — marriage and not mere friendship.

    * I’m glad —from your narration — that you have discovered that feelings of attraction can be developed with time and can also fade away with time.
    That is exactly the experience you had with your first suitor, it is normal.

    * Not denying the fact that it is good to “fall in love” before marriage, we are to be careful not to assume infatuation to be love.

    * Before going into marriage, you should place virtue above feelings.
    Virtues or Characters your partner has that can sustain your marriage should be considered first before the feelings you have for him or her.
    It is easier to develop feelings than to form virtue/character.

    2+

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