NO DATING, NO FRIENDSHIP Vol. 8, No. 24

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An interactive discussion between the moderator and members of the bed briefing family on the topic: NO DATING, NO FRIENDSHIP


Date: 1st October 2020


Time : 7:00 pm


Venue: Bed Briefing House via Telegram


Moderator: Miss Jennifer Ezema


Collator: Miss Benita Aniebo

It is no longer new that most people believe that once emotion is involved, friendship cant be attained. Some people go as far as becoming enemies with people who refused to date them, many others see their ex as mini-devils and hence the topic; No dating, no friendship.
A friend is a person you know well and regard with trust. If the friendship being shared is a close one, the persons involved discuss personal issues, have fun and accept each other with all their flaws. Dating on the other hand is a stage of romantic relationship in humans whereby two persons meet with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as a perspective partner in an intimate relationship.
Questions
1 Can friendship and dating be interrelated?
Yes they can but should not be interchanged. Friendship involves a mutual relationship; no intimacy involved whereas in dating intimacy can be involved.
A case study
Ada and Emeka were best friends in high school. Emeka never made his love known to Ada and when they were almost done with school, Ada found love in another young man.

2 In the above instance will their friendship be affected?

It will be affected on Emeka’s part but Ada might not really feel it because she may not have thought of such feelings for Emeka and Emeka never made advances towards her. However if Emeka understands that he made a mistake by not opening up earlier, the friendship might not be affected.

3 Should Ada remain in the friendship? Will it be genuine?
There is nothing wrong with Ada continuing the friendship. The ball is in Emeka’s court. If actually they are friends, they should have known that this kind of situation happens sometimes to friends. It is not the end of the world. If Emeka is reasonable enough to understand the situation at hand, then their friendship can go on but it will be difficult for their friendship to be as it was before.

Another instance: Chidi tried wooing Amaka but she turned him down.

4 Should she still keep the friendship with Chidi?

Keeping the friendship with Chidi might not be easy but it has to be mutual. Some guys wouldn’t want anything to do with a girl who turned them down. They immediately cut contact with her. If Chidi is that kind of person, there’s no need keeping the friendship with him.
5 What if Chidi sincerely likes her even without dating?

Then he should also want to maintain the friendship.

6 What if Amaka is the one asking for friendship since they cant date, do you believe such friendship will be so easy on Chidi’s side?

It depends on the motives of Chidi. He must have had his reasons for wooing Amaka but since he did not get what he wanted, he may not find it easy accepting Amaka’s friendship.

7 What if in the process of being self disciplined, they get along in friendship. Dont you believe having Amaka as a friend will shred his heart the more?

It depends on his level of maturity, discipline, understanding and beliefs. Feelings sometimes dont respect maturity. These feelings come with jealousy. Most guys prefer to stay away to avoid being hurt more and also to get over the girl. It might still hurt to keep her as friend. However discipline makes a man.

Most people believe that after a breakup, enmity follows. Others say that they can have a good friendship after a breakup since the two know themselves very well, talking about likes and dislikes.

8 What is your take on this?

It depends on what led to the break up. If it was a mutual agreement, friendship might still be possible. Good friendship might still exist if the relationship was healthy and you truly loved the person as a human being. It’s then that it’s natural to want to stay friends with an ex. Sometimes people see their partner as their best friends. However most people would not want to remain friends because they don’t want old feelings to be rekindled.
Don’t say you are looking for friendship as a female from a male with gifts and all the financial assistance attached and say you don’t want sex. Even if he agrees or decides to be benevolent his friends or society may spoil his mind. Unless he is strong willed, nobody is a father Christmas. Let us be realistic, women are always at the receiving end in this part of the world and still complain.
Regardless, if the both of you are willed your relationship can be pure. Note that you can’t date everyone you find attractive.

9 How can one deal with his feelings,when in love with someone you can’t be with?

There is a difference between love and infatuation. Infatuation most times leads to just negativity. If you love someone, develop a reinforced platonic friendship and never stay devoid of self control. Start from there. Make it clear to yourself that you can’t have all you desire in life. Being turned down by someone you love is not a failure. If one is willed and sincerely willing, God can help us. His grace is sufficient.

In conclusion

True friendship with someone you’ve fallen in love with might exist, but you need to deal with your feelings and stop wanting a romantic relationship, if not being around them may only shred your heart and may lead to obsession as well.
On the other hand, if willingly you decide not to date someone or put an end to a relationship for special reasons like youre engaged, theres something you consider bad about the person or so on, endeavor to be careful and keep your friendship with him in check to avoid exceeding boundaries. We all have to be very careful to keep to boundaries and NEVER GIVE UP ON LOVE.

God bless you!

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