An interactive session between the members of the bed briefing house and the moderator on the topic: SEX IN MARITAL LOVE
Venue: Bed briefing house via telegram
Date: 3rd September 2020
Moderator: Mrs. MaryCynthia Madueke
Collator: Miss Benita Aniebo
WHAT IS SEX?
Sex is a completely natural and normal activity meant to be an intimate act, whether it is self-pleasuring or masturbation, or shared with someone you trust. Sex is not just vaginal intercourse. Sex is pretty much anything that feels sexual. How YOU choose to define sex might be a moving target during your teen years. Your sexual interests may change over time, and that is okay.
TYPES OF SEX AND SEXUAL ACTIVITIES
1. Touching: Touching becomes a sexual activity if it involves touching or fondling the breasts, buttocks, anus, or genitals of another person. Touching yourself in any of these ways to arouse sexual feelings is called masturbation.
2. Kissing: Small kisses on the cheek or hand and even pecks on the mouth may be normal to exchange between family and friends, and are not usually considered sexual. But longer kissing on the mouth and other intimate parts of the body, including the neck, chest, abdomen, and genitals is considered sexual activity.
3. Masturbation: For many people, their first sexual activity is masturbation. This involves touching yourself through stimulation of your breasts, buttocks, anus, or genitals in order to reach orgasm. Sex toys are sometimes used to enhance masturbation.
Masturbation is a sexual activity that people may do alone or with a partner.
4. Sexual Intercourse: Sexual intercourse is the penetration of a penis into the vagina, also known as “vaginal sex” or “sex”. Fingers or sex toys can also be used to penetrate the vagina for sexual pleasure.
5. Cybersex and phone sex: Cybersex and phone sex involve talking about sex over the phone or by text, sending naked or sexy photos, or watching someone touch themselves over online video chat. These types of exchanges don’t involve physically touching the other person, so they don’t pose a risk of contracting an STI or getting pregnant. However, there are risks involved, and it is important to be careful when you exchange images and information over the internet.
6. Oral sex: Using your mouth or tongue to stimulate another person’s genitals is considered sex.
7. Anal sex: Anal sex involves penetration of the penis into the anus.
Anal sexual activity can also involve using the fingers or sex toys to penetrate the anus for sexual pleasure.
REASONS FOR SEX
1. Physical reasons: This involves the following; Pleasure, stress relief, exercise, sexual curiosity, or attraction to a person.
2. Goal-based reasons: To make a baby, improve social status (for example, to become popular), or seek revenge.
3. Emotional reasons: They include the following; Love, commitment, or gratitude.
4. Insecurity reasons: To boost self-esteem, keep a partner from seeking sex elsewhere, or feeling a sense of duty or pressure (for example, a partner insists on having sex).
5. Health Reasons: A good sex life is good for your heart. Besides being a great way to raise your heart rate, sex helps keep your estrogen and testosterone levels in balance. “When either one of those is low you begin to get lots of problems, like osteoporosis and even heart disease,” Pinzone says. Having sex more often may help.
WHAT IS MARITAL?
According to the Oxford dictionary, marital simply means relating to marriage or the rela3tions between a married couple.
WHAT IS LOVE?
Love encompasses a range of strong and positive emotional and mental states, from the most sublime virtue or good habit, the deepest interpersonal affection and to the simplest pleasure. Love has been postulated to be a function to keep human beings together against menaces and to facilitate the continuation of the species
There are so many other beautiful definitions of love but we shall work with these two definitions.
WHAT IS MARITAL LOVE?
Narrowing this down now to our Christian doctrine: Marital Love simply means love in relation to marriage. A commonly accepted and encompassing definition of marriage is that marriage is a formal union, social and legal contract between two individuals that unites their lives spiritually, legally, economically, and emotionally. Being married also gives legitimacy to sexual relations within the marriage. This is where sex comes in Marital love. In the context of marriage, when you made your wedding vows and vowed to love your spouse in good times and in bad, in sickness and health, till death do you part, you were vowing to love them with Agape love(unconditional love, apart from feelings). You probably were motivated to vow Agape love to them out of the Philia love you had which is based on feelings of friendship and romance.
Philia love is not bad, but it can become bad if that is the only foundation for a marriage, for it will not always be there. It comes and goes. But Agape is always there, because it is not based on feelings, but a commitment made to God.
We will discuss the attributes of Marital Love based on Agape love(unconditional love), and not feelings.
Biblically speaking marriage is defined as the union of a man and woman who make a covenant before God to fulfill their God given duties to one another in marriage. One of the duties God calls them to is to have marital love toward one another. In many ways marital love is not much different than any other love we should have for our friends, family or for the general population of the world around us but there is still this unique difference.
ATTRIBUTES OF MARITAL LOVE
These are ways of expressing marital Love. They include the following but not limited to them.
1. PATIENCE toward my spouse in regard to their faults.
2. KINDNESS toward my spouse in words and actions. It is kindness in caring for the physical needs of my spouse whether in taking care of them when they are sick, making sure they are feed, or meeting their sexual needs.
3. SACRIFICING my own well-being for the sake of my spouse’s well-being.
4. HONORING my spouse’s God given gender role in our marriage.
5. FORGIVING my spouse for the offenses they commit against me.
6. TRUTHFUL with my spouse. This does not mean brutal honesty – you know the old line “do I look fat in this dress?”. It does not mean we have to say every thought that comes into our mind, or how we feel about every given situation. But what it does mean is not telling lies to hide our sin from our spouse. It also means that sometimes we have to do as the Bible says and “speak the truth in love” to our spouse when we believe they are acting sinfully, as love does not rejoice in evil.
7. PROTECTING my spouse’s person and reputation.
8. TRUSTING that my spouse has my best interests at heart and in the absence of evidence to the contrary believing what my spouse tells me about events that may have occurred.
9. HOPING in my spouse’s abilities, even when they seem to lack in a certain area. It always keeps hope that they will succeed or that they will improve. This is an encouraging type of hope that encourages our spouse in whatever they set out to do.
10. ENDURING through arguments or disagreements, health problems and physical changes to mine or my spouse’s body. It endures through job loss, economic status changes or changes in housing.
11. GIVING IN to our spouse’s sexual desire
Question: What do you think is the most powerful source of pleasure in a marital bliss?
Answer: First God, money, sex, love, children and peace of mind follows.
God is love and you can’t claim to love your spouse in the context of this discussion without loving and having God. The mutual enrichment of couples which involves their Prayer, social and sexual life are very important. Children should be secondary because not every couple is opportuned to bear children.
Question: What do you think about marriage without love? Does it work?
Answer: No it doesn’t. People marry for the wrong reasons. Things like money, fame, sex may look like love but it’s surely not love.
However, if they are able to develop love by the grace of God, the couple may end up enjoying their Marital life. This is because Some persons have entered into marriage just to identify with the societal trend and not out of love, but on the long run, God’s grace brings the best out of that marriage.
On the contrary, it is like gambling with our emotions because it works but not always. If you don’t love your intending spouse, don’t marry him or her.
Question: Between Sex and Love, which should be the priority when making a choice for a life partner?
Answer: Both. Why? Both are valid grounds for divorce. It makes the marriage voidable.
The two goes together. It is love that will lead to sex most times. However, the advice is that intending couples creat time to take about their sex life before marriage. Not that they should have sex before marriage but when they talk about it, it clears a lot of issues that may crop up in the future. Herein comes the importance of MARRIAGE COURSE.
Question: Can there be marital love without sex?
Answer: It depends. If one of the parties is sick and thus incapable of fulfilling his/her conjugal responsibility, will the love stop? Remember marriage is in sickness and in health.
Question: So which other ways can one express marital Love aside sex?
Answer: Most other ways are seen in the attributes of marital love as explained. Some others include; Appreciating even the littlest things, Correcting your spouse in a collected manner, Cheering and commending your spouse.
Question: Is there any amount or style of sex that is sinful for a couple?
Answer: Moderation is key in everything. If you think eating too much food or drinking too much wine is not fine, then kindly apply moderation in your sexual life. Marriages takes more of work, commitment, and love, but they also need respect to be truly happy and successful. A marriage based on love and respect doesn’t just happen. Both spouses have to do their part having God at the center.
SEX is one of the VITAL ingredients for a marital Love but not the BEDROCK.
The husband and wife should have sex regularly and often, not only to meet one another’s physical needs and avoid temptation, but they must also realize that their physical union in sex is the most distinctive and most defining act of marital love.
Just like all of the other ways of expressing marital love as I mentioned above, sexual relations in marriage should never be dependent on feelings at any given time. The Bible is crystal clear that they are to be regular and often, except for a short time by mutual consent.
Finally while the sexual part of the one flesh relationship is an indispensable part of marriage a husband and wife should be united not only in physical relations but also spiritually and emotionally as we previously mentioned. This unity in marriage is accomplished not by compromise between a husband and wife, but rather by conformity of the husband to the will of God and the conformity of the wife to the will of her husband.
May God bless our marriages and future marriages, Amen
God bless you! of marriage a husband and wife should be united not only in physical relations but also spiritually and emotionally as we previously mentioned. This unity in marriage is accomplished not by compromise between a husband and wife, but rather by conformity of the husband to the will of God and the conformity of the wife to the will of her husband.
May God bless our marriages and future marriages, Amen
God bless you!